Open arms

Open arms

"Broken hearts and broken dreams,

Broken lives and heavy loads.

Come to me and rest, He said.

Come, unburden yourselves,

And take up freely

My feather-light load.

The road may be hard,

The obstacles many.

But drink from my well

And you will rejoice.

Strength is in this water,

To bear what this world

Will throw in your way."

He will bathe you clean

In , that liquid priceless,

The blood that He shed.

You will be clean as snow,

Cleaner than you ever were.

You will be a guest in His halls,

The honoured one at his feasts.

But the road to Him

Is not so short or easy.

The path may be pitch-dark,

Littered with pits and mires.

You must traverse this lengthy road

With a heavy cross

Lashed on your back.

No matter how often you fall,

Or how dirty you get,

His love lessens not.

He just awaits you patiently

With smiling eyes and 

Wide-open arms.

But the Door is not so wide

Even though entry is free.

Not all who seem worthy 

To us humans

Are as worth 

In His eternal eyes.

Onlooker

Onlooker

How lucky art thou, my brother!

Thou happy wretch,

Thou hast attained success;

While I, miserable mortal,

Haven’t even tried

And already given up.

Thou hast faced thy demons,

Calmed all thine fears, 

Scaled the peak, 

And claimed success.

I, cowardly one that I am,

I have waited and waited,

Tried yet and again,

And still I am no closer to success.

I envy thee, my brother,

But I wish thee no harm.

No ill will I bear thee,

Just grief for myself.

For thou deserveth thy prize,

Let no one refute thy claim.

I must now be content

To patiently await my chance;

Try yet again,

And maybe fail once again.

..........................................................................................................................................................................

just because i can, wolfie,

Dedicated to Rhodar

Ode to randomness

Ode to randomness

Oh why, oh why

Does everyone want to be

A lightbulb bright?

C’mon, be enlightened,

Join me and become

A big fat walrus

That lives

On the moon

With the moon-man.

The moon with sparkly rings

On which cows dance,

While horses draw 

Entire houses on ploughs.

Wait a minute! Stop I say!

You’re ruining those rings

With your stupid ploughs!

Look what you did! They’re ruined!

Now I’m going to have to buy

Diamond dust by the bucket

From the dwarf who sleeps

Somewhere on the Sun at night.

But until he comes 

I must go to sleep,

And maybe visit the real world

In my nightmares.

Ode to anger

Ode to anger

Hail, sweet anger,

O beautiful flaming one,

Most innocent and pure.

Holding no guile 

Or any treachery,

You are the purifier of my soul.

You are the fire that warms

Many a frozen heart,

Chilled from fear and indifference.

O fiery child most true,

Giver of strength

And destroyer of fear,

Obliterate my indecision

And strengthen my failing resolve;

Spur me onwards,

With never a backward glance.

You are much maligned,

Forever undervalued,

And never appreciated fully.

You are the step child, 

The child less loved.

Yet you are my own,

And never will I desert you.

My essence is you,

Without you,

I am incomplete.

So be you my shield,

My fiery companion,

And never leave my side.

Numb

Numb

I’ve had enough,

I need no more pain.

It has gone beyond endurance

And beyond my tolerance.

I surrender all my emotions, freely,

And with no second thoughts.

Take it all from me

And unburden me of

All emotion, all pain,

All memory and joy.

De-humanize, in-humanize me,

If to be human

I must face all this.

Desensitize me, toughen me,

Numb me to it all.

It hurts too much,

I have it too often.

Separate me from my past,

Free from the future,

And unburden me of the present.

Make me an automaton,

Free from emotions and choice,

Free from all duties;

Free, to simply exist.

Existing only,

Neither alive nor dead,

Asleep nor awake,

Simply numb.

Not Meant To Be

Not Meant To Be

I think back to old times,

Of all those memories we now share.

They make me laugh and split my sides,

They make me cry and weep out my heart.

All the would-haves and the should-haves,

I think of them all,

Along with all that could have been,

But was never meant to be.

I remember it all, sadly,

With a large dose 

Of wistful longing.

 I now realize the entire truth,

That those things 

Will never be;

That they were but mirages,

Evaporated

By reality’s harsh light.

And I try to look ahead,

And again I dimly see events

That can and might b,

But this I do not know,

Are they meant to be?

No

How can I forget

All that I have left behind?

Can I ever forget

All that joy, pain,

Happiness, grief

And all the achievements and mistakes?

Can I truly turn my back

On all of these things

Which have made me what I am?

But I must, out of necessity,

For I am going insane.

It is too painful

To relive it over and over again.

But I cannot forget,

I will not forget.

It may be too painful

But each memory must prized.

Bitter lessons must be learnt,

And sweet joys remembered.

Sour, sweet, bitter,

Or some mixture,

Life is one and all.

Each memory is a gem,

To be kept safe,

E’en though it hurts,

E’en though each is a sharp knife,

Pricking my heart.

No More

No More

What was I hoping for, 

What did I expect? 

Did I wish to rekindle the fire 

From long smouldering ashes? 

Or did I wish to extinguish them, 

Once and for all? 

The flame rekindled 

'T would have brought pain. 

But closure of it all, 

It frightens me; 

What is the reason for my fear, 

I have no clue. T

o come this close 

And still be foiled; 

Alas, will there be no end?

Nine

Nine

One God for one heaven,

One Devil for one hell,

And one war between them

For one world.

One, one and one more one; 

One is the order of the world.

One soul for one body,

One mind to one heart

And one life to search

For the one love of your life.

One once again.

Yet one wasn't enough for me.

Not one or two

Or even three am I.

I am nine;

Nine tinges to one shade,

Nine faces to one body.

One for the dark one

On his dark throne

Of bittersweet memories.

One for the fiery one,

Wild, free and pure

In his red-black rage.

Three more, one each

For the child and the adult,

And the one in between.

Ane gloomy cynic

To balance and counter

One wild optimist.

One pragmatist 

To help the adult

In getting things done.

And lastly, one silk

To keep me alive

Paranoid and jumpy.

Five days later

Five days later

“Hosanna, hosanna

Hosanna in the highest”

They exulted,

With palm leaves in their hands.

But five days later,

Those were the very people

Who shouted and screamed

“crucify him, crucify him!”

Oh my people

What ill have I done to you?

What crime did I commit?

They spread their cloaks on the ground

And laid them on my beast.

Yet it was I, 

Five days later

Who stood naked,

Stripped of everything.

They wished to exalt me

And exalted I was,

But on a cross.

They wished to crown me,

And crowned I was,

But with a crown of thorns.

You, among whom I dwelled,

You, for whom I was sent;

You would have me crucified?

But why, my people,

Why?

My secret burden

My secret burden

This is my cross, this is my pain.

It is bound to my back,

There is no escape.

It is my duty, my responsibility

That cannot be shirked for long.

It is my secret, it is my burden,

Let it ne’er be seen.

May no hint of what I bear

Ever cross my face,

Or ever cross my lips;

May it be hidden

Deep within my mind.

For if anyone did see,

What good would it do?

How could they help?

Pitiful glances, shallow platitudes,

Meaningless advice,

And shallow offers of help.

No thank you, I need no help.

I’ve gotten this far,

I’m sure I’ll reach the end.

My cloak

My cloak

Wherever I go, under sun or moon,

In the blinding light

Or the soothing dark,

I wear a cloak, invisible to most;

A cloak of lies, a cloak of deceit,

A cloak of shadows, and distorted light.

Sometimes it shrinks,

Revealing me

Almost completely

And truly as I am.

Sometimes it grows,

Expanding and hiding

My darker side,

The side of my face

And my of my soul

That I dare not show,

To passer-bys and

Casual acquaintances.

Everyone can see me,

But only some realize

That I am not entirely

What I seem to be;

That I have things hidden,

That shall never be exposed

To the blinding public light.

Mush from a mush-hater

Mush from a mush-hater

She’s long gone,

Yet the memories linger.

The wounds are painful still,

But they are on the mend.

Scars there will be for a while,

To be carried with pride.

There is a longing in me;

An ache that is unrelenting.

It afflicts all my senses.

My eyes long to see her face,

Whose memory is now receding;

My ears long for her voice,

Whose echo is now dying down;

My nose searches for her fragrance, 

So delicate and now fleeing;

My skin wishes it was nearer to her,

But distances too great

Are in between, separating us.

Yet the longing is not so keen, 

It is dying down, receding.

The blood hat flowed freely

Has begun to slow.

The pain that I felt is still there;

But not as sharp

As it used to be.

It is now but a memory,

Of things long ago.

Move on

Move on

Move on, move on

Just to make it through.

Move on, move on

Even though you’re through.

Tired, dejected

Feeling rejected.

Depressed and listless,

Scared and hopeless.

But still

You must move on.

The end is near,

A hand span away.

So don’t give up now,

Move on, move on.

You’ve come this far:

The journey almost done,

The end in sight.

So don’t give up now,

Struggle on.

Plod and slog if you must,

Take a break, a quiet rest.

But don’t give in now, 

When the finish line 

Is right ahead.

On the other side 

You’ll find rest,

And the peace you crave.

But to finish,

You have to 

Move on.

Monster mind

Monster mind

I am the monster in your mind,

Burning you from within,

While without, no one guess what I do.

Gnawing at your sanity,

I will rip you to shreds.

I am the tireless beast,

Who never lets you rest,

Never lets you escape

From the past you’ve left behind.

I am the one with many names:

My name is memory;

Bringer of tears of sadness and joy,

Smiles of happiness and sorrow.

Bearer of anger and herald of nostalgia,

I am the devourer of peace.

I bring to life long-forgotten grudges

And all you’ve tried to forget.

I make you regret what you did,

And question what you didn’t.

I attack anywhere and everywhere,

In broad daylight or

 In the cold and lonely night.

You have no escape from me,

For I reside in your mind.

You have no defense against me

For I am within,

And without me 

You have no defense 

To the things without.

Mirror shards

Mirror shards

I’m not what you think I am:

No longer the sweet child of old,

No longer soft but still

Extremely insecure.

Neither as pure as you think

Or as I used to be.

Now I’ve been hardened,

Stained by the dust that floats around here.

Hardened I may now be,

But now I’m fragile;

Easily shattered

Even by a kiss.

I’ve become the mirror

In which outsiders

See you reflected.

Hold me too tight,

And I’ll break

Right inside your grip.

But me too lose,

And I’ll slip,

Slip away and fall,

Destroying myself

And injuring you.

Memories

Memories

Emotions come 

And emotions go.

Experiences

Come and go.

Friends come;

Some leave,

While others remain.

But what is left,

In the end,

After this seemingly

Never-ending exodus?

Bittersweet memories:

Fragrant like roses,

But with the thorns intact;

Blunted but still there

So they remind you 

What emotions you felt.

Me 1.4

Me 1.4

Perverted fantasies and ignoble dreams,

I cherish the lies and the secrecy.

Yet still in a small corner

Of my filthy and twisted soul,

 I dream and yearn

For a better self,

A cleaner version of me.

Yet the darkness that haunts me

Is hard to leave;

Like a persistent relative

 It refuses to let go.

The shortfalls and sins

Feel soft as silk,

And yet they will be

The silken noose

That will end my life.

So I know I must renounce

The ways of my past and present.

Yet the path is hard,

The traps and twists are many.

And it seems that my faults

Can be confided with no one.

For then I will be shunned,

On ostracized outcast.

So who do I trust?

 In whom should my trust

Listen up

Listen up

Enough is enough!

Turn the f***ing volume down!!

I’m going deaf, and so are you.

Can’t hear no more

Neither myself,

Nor what you’re trying to say.

I talk s**t, yes, I admit,

But sometimes, some rare times,

I may actually speak on something

I f***ing know well!!

So hear me out;

Surely you can spare the time

And listening ain’t no crime.

So what if I’m wrong?

Prove me wrong,

And happy I’ll be.

But dare you f***ing question

Or doubt my word

On something I should know well!!

So if I can f***ing listen to your c**p,

Then you better listen up

And hear me out.

Lamentations and longing

Lamentations and longing

It’s been so long

Since you held me

In your arms.

It’s been too long

Since I felt

Your playful slaps,

The ‘punishment’

For my mischief.

Now it hurts again,

The pain that seemed 

I had left behind.

 The tears that I shed then,

I thought them dry;

I thought so until

I started to silently weep

For the experiences

We’ll never share now.

 I long to relive

What all we did,

But as I realize I can’t,

The pain is renewed once again.

Keep your distance

Keep your distance

Stay away from me,

Don’t come any closer,

For your illusions may shatter.

Stay distant from me,

And let all things be;

For if you come closer

You will see things

You were never meant to see.

At a distance I may seem spotless,

But on closer inspection you find

I am not exactly unstained.

Closer up you may realize

That my smiling, dopey face

Is half a façade,

Hiding partly what I truly feel.

Come closer and you will see

That my mouth moves,

But not in accord

With my barely concealed thoughts;

And sometimes I must say things

I don’t really mean.

So keep your distance

And keep the illusion intact.