The road to the future

The road to the future

The path ahead of me

Goes on and on;

Twisting and turning,

And sometimes unchanging.

I am now at another crossroad,

Another parting of the ways;

The only decider of my future

Is what choice I make,

What I end up doing today.

One road is the dusty road:

Well trod and monotonous,

Conventional and promising

Safety from uncertain times.

The other road is the one lightly trodden,

It is still green and mysterious.

Unknown and uncharted,

It promises many things:

Glorious success,

Devastating defeat,

Or even the cloak

Of public anonymity.

Yet defeat is attained,

Only if you lose heart

Halfway through the journey.

So this decision I face,

The choice that will eventually

Decide what will be.

So I stand here and wonder,

Is my choice the right one?

The moment I regret

The moment I regret

A brief instant we stood there

When I came to say goodbye.

We said not a word;

Silence reigned.

An instant that seemed so brief

Causes so much regret now.

Now I realize it was my fault,

For it was my move;

I should have done something

For now my time was up.

We stood there silently,

Mute as bewitched mortals.

Then an awkward goodbye:

No hug, no sign of the affection

I hoped existed.

Maybe I expected too much,

Especially when her ‘no’ was clear.

The Imp

The Imp

Clapping my hands

And cackling with glee,

I thumb my nose

At the Powers-that-be.

Nay, not a sprite, nor a demon am I,

Nor pixie, elf or goblin.

I am the imp,

Magical and mischievous.

I am your highly annoying

Yet oft helpful companion;

Your friendly fiend.

Unpredictable in my ways,

With the twin sparks

Of madness and chaos

Glittering in my eyes.

Always laughing, with a prank at hand,

I regard the entire world as a jest.

You’ll often wish you knew me

A little better, or not at all.

But behind my laughter

And all that madness,

Which is my shield,

I hide my hurts and scars

Along with a terrible anger

I daren’t show.

All the darkness and faults

Are veiled in the shadows

Thrown by the fire that burns bright within,

The fire of my eccentricity.

So don’t be afraid,

I promise I won’t bite.

I’m as harmless as a volcano

That has lain dormant for years.

Be my friend, and know me well

And you’ll begin to see

Why I’m called

The Imp.

The Dance

The Dance

Why do i even bother

About what she thinks?

Why do i care still

About what goes on

Inside her mind?

Why is she,

Knowingly or unknowingly,

Bothering me so?

How did she come to posess

This power,`that she wields,

Over me?

How do i free myself

From her grip?

I try not to care,

But the accursed dance

Goes on still;

I care and then i don't,

She nudges

And then she stops.

There seem to be others as well

Yet occasionally

She glances my way.

And when she does,

I cant understand

What she says.

That time of our life

That time of our life

It’s time to say goodbye,

The “I’ll miss you too”’s;

Some heartfelt and some,

Some just empty words.

Its time to make those promises:

The promises to stay in touch,

And to meet every so often.

But usually they remain just that:

Empty promises, meaning-devoid.

It’s the time of melancholia,

And the time of nostalgia;

And maybe some regret,

And maybe some joy.

It’s the time for the ways to part,

For weaker ties to break

While the stronger ones endure.

Now we must say goodbye,

While we can still speak;

No matter how much our hearts rebel,

Distance become our nemesis

And before grief steals all speech,

We must bid adieu.

And all we can hope for

Is that our friendship

Is made of sterner stuff.

‘Taint your fault

‘Taint your fault

Do you recognize me?

I am the offspring that you bore;

Your son, whom you brought up.

But I am not completely yours:

I am somewhat mine,

And somewhat of the world.

Do not weep and moan

About all my vices and faults,

Which have now begun to stand out.

It’s not your fault,

You did nothing wrong.

You moulded to your ability’s best,

Aided and hindered by those around you.

Yet you fail to realize,

That in my making and moulding,

That there was one person

Whom you forgot to account for;

You forgot me.

Creator and creature, maker and machine,

Owner and property, guide and follower,

I am partly my own.

You did what you should have,

And so did I.

Now I stand before you,

A symbol, an image,

One confused being.

Who was and is wrought

Partly in your image,

And partly

On who knows what!

Super rose

Super rose

From his heart grew a rose,

Around her heart there was a wall.

The rose tried to breach

And break the barrier in its path.

Alas the wall was too old

And too wise, to go down thus.

The rose tried its utmost best,

And the wall smiled on.

Nut in the end, the rose was vanquished,

It did meet its bitter-sweet end;

It withered away at the foot of the wall.

But it went away with a smile,

For in its dying glance it saw

The wall smiling on, but

The twinkle in its eye

Was a tiny, tiny tear.

So even in defeat and mournful death,

The rose did achieve success,

For it still did spread its scent

Even in death’s cold grip.

Stuck

Stuck

Someone get her out,

She’s stuck in my head;

She refuses to leave,

And I’m going mad.

Her face keeps on attacking my eyes,

Her voice won’t let alone.

Her images laugh at my annoyance,

And her laugh further maddens me.

Her disturbing prettiness

Won’t let go of me,

Even now, even though

She’s long said goodbye.

Memories of her haunt me,

And there seems to be no escape.

She may have said no,

But she’s lodged herself in my mind;

And I can’t let her out.

Neither do I really want to,

For who is out there

Who can take her place?

Spirit me away

Spirit me away

I see thee in the skies

And hear thy mighty wings

When thou flieth

With the heavenly minstrels

And those winged jesters.

Traveller to distant lands,

Fulfiller of dreams

And renewer of hope,

Thou drawest awed stares and astonished gasps

From thy sightly companions in flight.

O traveller of exotic lands,

Listen to mine plea, mine one request:

Make me one of those countless millions

Who art thy daily fare;

Those, whose hope are pinned on thee.

Take me away to some distant land,

Or, if possible,

To some other time.

Take me somewhere, anywhere

Where I can be lost,

Anonymous and invisible

Yet retaining mine identity.

Take me somewhere where I belong,

A home away from here.

Searching

Searching

I have looked hither

And I have looked thither

And nowhere did I find success.

Now I don’t know wither to look,

To find the one whom I seek.

I asked the winds,

But they had nothing to say;

The arrogant sun gave me no heed

And the moon was lost unto herself.

Long ago I thought I had found her,

But she, she is now lost,

Gone, separated, parted,

Maybe forever.

So now I look and I search,

Searching for someone

Who may be

What I search for;

Though maybe, there be none like her

Whom I do dream of.

Saying goodbye

Saying goodbye

Once again,

Ad nauseaum,

We’re at another parting;

Partly different, partly same.

Déjà vu, it happens again,

The same old tears,

The new regrets,

Always about

The same old friends.

Can’t do anything about it,

Must live it.

Can’t break friendships,

But can’t bear to say goodbye.

Every time you hope and pray

“Make it easier to say goodbye,

At least this time,”

Yet, it’s the same old sob story.

We never learn to say goodbye,

Until the ultimate goodbye,

When one of us

Won’t say a single word.

Remember me

Remember me

So long, farewell.

My heart chokes on this,

My tongue rebels,

But adieu, dear friend.

I must say goodbye,

Yet again.

This parting has no joy,

Only grief, of things left

Undone and unsaid

And things that will never happen.

But mind them not,

They are but shadows,

Inconsequential.

Onward with your journey,

Look you never behind.

All I do ask of you,

Please bear me in mind.

Reliving the past

Reliving the past

I sit here alone, reminiscing

About everything we did,

Laughed and joked about;

All the teasing and banter,

The chaos and good cheer.

I recall those heady days,

Filled with our own madness;

How I hope they’d never end.

But alas, alas, they did end,

The unstallable did happen;

Time would stop.

After all, who was I?

Just another mere mortal,

One of innumerable billions,

Begging the All-powerful

For some alms, some more time.

Now we’re far away,

Separated by time and the seas,

The sun and the moon,

And by an expanse of land.

Now all I’m left with

Is your lingering fragrance,

The now fading memory

Of your beautiful,

The soft echo

Of your soothing voice.

Reasons for paranoia

Reasons for paranoia

So many mistakes,

So many missteps;

So many friends left

Angry, sad, annoyed,

Or simply, plain mad.

All, all because I was wrong,

Because I was stupid,

All because I did ‘what I shouldn’t have done;

All of it is only my fault.

Now I’ve grown wary.

I’ve caused enough distress,

So I’ve become cautious.

I tread now with a light foot,

Ever ready to retrace my steps,

Ever ready to turn back and flee,

Or fall on my knees and plead.

So rib me not for my paranoia;

It is the only shield

Which defends you

From my colossal mistakes.

Questions

Questions

What do you do

When you have

No cause to die for,

No motive to live for;

When you live,

Because you must?

What do you do,

When you walk the path,

Ignorant of the source,

And of your destination?

You don’t even remember why

You chose to walk;

All you do remember

Is that you must not stop.

What do you do

When you become,

Insensitive, uncaring

Of the world around you?

Nothing seems to warm

Your now frozen soul.

What do you do

When the fire within

Has burnt itself out?

You see no goal, no future.

Neither a beginning,

Nor even an end;

All you seem to have

Is your own self,

And these questions.

Questions, the ‘correct’ answers to which,

Somehow sound good and right,

But feel very hollow.

You wish they were right,

So you can accept them,

But somehow, something says,

It don’t feel right.

Questions of an idle mind

Questions of an idle mind

What do you do

When the oppressed one becomes

The oppressor of his fellow man?

When the seeker of the rose

Becomes the thorny hedge

In the path of another,

What do you tell him?

What do you do,

When you become for someone else,

The very pain you tried to subdue

Within your breast?

When the roles are reversed

In the blink of an eye,

Without you realizing it,

How do you go about

Correcting it?

If others will damn you for action,

But you will condemn yourself for inaction,

What is the proper course to take?

Questions i want answers to

Questions i want answers to

What have I become?

What have I been moulded into

By my past and present,

By my mistakes

And my successes?

Have I been changed

For the better

Or indeed, for the worse?

Seemingly profound questions

But in reality

Just me babbling

In unadulterated boredom.

Why must I be

The only lonely one?

why must i remain forever

Only a friend

And never a lover?

Why am I doomed

To lust for the forbidden fruit?

Why am I the one

Who is calm

Even in the midst of a storm,

The silent one

In the midst of a crowd?

Why me? Why just me?

Is it because

Of what I’ve been through,

Or is it because

Someone wills it so?

Pin cushion

Pin cushion

She didn’t even say goodbye.

I stood at her door,

At the midnight hour.

I knocked to see her face

The ultimate time before

I was cleaved from her.

I brought her one last offering,

One last show of my affection.

I knew full well

That it would have no reply,

At least no reply I wanted;

For I myself knew not

What reply did I really want.

Reaffirmation of her refusal

Would do nothing

To a heart gone numb.

But a reply to my affection

At that final hour

Would have just stuck

One more pin

Into my pin cushion heart.

Patience-confounding confusion

Patience-confounding confusion

I don’t know who

I want to be,

Or even which road

I must leave my mark on.

But this much I know,

These facts are crystal clear:

I doubt I will ever be

Whoever or whatever

You wanted me to be.

The road that I will follow

May or may not be tainted

By the footsteps

Of those who’ve left me behind.

So be patient with me,

Bear my madness yet awhile.

If this be too much to ask for,

All I can say to you is…

Paragon of excellence

Paragon of excellence

I didn’t volunteer

To be an example.

I didn’t ask

Either for present glorification

Or future vilification.

I am not fit

For this job, as is

No mere mortal.

For we are human

With all our faults

Hidden as well as visible.

So why does it anger you,

When I fail at a job

I never wanted

And will give up

Without the least thought.

Recognition is troublesome:

Too many responsibilities

And freedoms too few;

The price is too steep.

Poems written in A'bad

Poems written in A'bad

Not going there,

Not going to the darkness.

Not going to that door,

Beyond which I have locked

Untold, un-needed things.

Parts of my mind and heart

Longings and yearnings,

Fading away to nothing,

And the pain of my past.

All lie jumbled together,

In the darkness.

I’m staying in the light,

Away from it all,

Far, far away.

..................................

If I had no longer to live,

Not another day of life;

If I had to die today,

This minute, this instant,

What shall I die for?

No particular ideal

I prize so highly,

Nor money or possessions.

No dreams of revolutions

Or visions of Utopia

I hold so close to my heart.

Only friends I hold dear enough

So for friendship

I shall die for.

...................................

Who will hold my hand

When I weep?

Who will console me

In my times of grief?

Who will stand by my side

When I’m all alone?

Who will lure me to sanity

From the throes

Of madness and rage?

...................................

Despair and depression

Concealed and cloaked

In irritation and humor.

Curiosity tightly clamped

In the grip

Of reluctance, hesitation

And indecision.

Disgust hiding the questions

Bubbling from within.

..................................

Life is balance and harmony

Light and dark,

Good and bad.

Mirth coexists with grief

And love lives with hate.

Every tear shed in laughter

Will be balanced

By tears shed in anguish.

Every frustrated thought

Will be coolly examined

In the light of rationality.

Laziness will be counteracted

With frenetic bursts of activity.

And friends and enemies

Will forever dance

The dance of life

All around you.